Coping with Infertility
Trying to conceive can be all-consuming. Whether you expect it to happen easily or take some time, either way, cycle after cycle can take a toll. Many couples start off trying naturally and letting “nature take its course” only to find they are not pregnant months or even years later. Then they may start to time intercourse, or other related strategies, sometimes progressing to IUI or IVF. Before you know it, your entire life can be centered on trying to have a baby. That is why practicing coping skills during this difficult time can be helpful to manage mood and anxiety. Here are some ideas I have:
Remember to meet your basic needs and practice stress management: It can be easy to forget to drink water, eat a proper meal, and skimp out on sleep and exercise when you’re stressed. Especially when you’re trying to balance working, relationships, and doctors’ appointments. But we know we feel better when we take care of ourselves. In fact, taking care of ourselves may help boost fertility! It certainly couldn’t’ hurt. It is unclear the extent to which stress affects success rates, however, studies have shown that psychological interventions which reduce depression and anxiety potentially may lead to higher success rates. So, there are so many reasons to prioritize this need!
Evaluate your socialization level: I worded it like this because it’s not as simple as “Spend time with others” or “isolate”. There are many layers to consider: If you are extroverted or introverted; If you have other stressors impacting your mood/anxiety; If you recently had a loss or failed cycle; and how you feel about the people you were considering socializing with. Even your mood at the time you are evaluating a social event plays a role. All in all: sometimes it will be better for your mental health to spend time with others and sometimes it’s better to spend time alone doing something you enjoy. The point is to make a decision based on your needs.
Allowing yourself time to grieve a loss or failed cycle before moving on to the next step: This is so important. This is a 2-part process. First allow yourself ample time and space to process your emotions and thoughts about the loss or failed cycle. This is unique for every situation. Sometimes it may take only a day or two to feel ready to move on, especially after a natural failed cycle at the beginning of trying. However, it may take a lot longer if you had a failed IVF cycle, especially after all the invested time, money, and energy it took to get there. If you experienced a loss, you may need even longer. It is also very common for depression and/or anxiety to intensify after a loss. If these emotions are not discussed, I have seen this amplify, stay present during pregnancy, and effect healthy attachment later. If you are unable to talk about what happened at all or without becoming overwhelmed, it’s a good indication you need more time to process.
Check in with your partner on a regular basis: Trying to conceive is very hard on couples. The obvious difficulty is disrupted intimacy. Sex becomes a chore just to procreate. And if one or both partners are dealing with stress, depression, or anxiety, the couple connection may also be disrupted. Couples may also be processing trying to conceive differently. If one partner is identified with the cause of infertility, they often struggle more with feelings of guilt. Typically, women may have more investment of time as it is their bodies potentially preparing for pregnancy. They are also the ones attending fertility doctor’s appointments if they’ve moved on to assisted reproductive methods. It is important to check in with your partner about how they are feeling about both the process of trying to conceive and relationship with each other, making sure to prioritize each other’s emotional needs to enhance connection.
Coping with fertility challenges can be all consuming. If you find yourself struggling and looking for more support and understanding during this process, I am here to help fertility counseling. Please reach out to learn more or get started.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6016043/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK556033/#:~:text=In%2037%25%20of%20infertile%20couples,Endometriosis%20%2D%2015%25
